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The current year signifies a full decade since the term “ghosting” entered the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end all contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more bewildering – an commonly unsuccessful endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s response is interested or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who choose against parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits suggesting a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their exes unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks confirm your choice to date a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely benign quirks. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that instantly shut down any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {